wow wow wow
how things change.
We are in the midst of a 'Pandemic...' world wide. Who would have thunk it? Its crazy that in a few short days we went from being jealous of a small number of teachers who were getting an "extended spring break" thanks to some school districts being cautious; to a full blown national shut down of ALL schools.
Be careful what you wish for I guess.
This is crazy. Cities shut down, curfews in place, shelter in place recommendations.
Life takes a lot of crazy turns, many dips and highs, with fantastic feelings in all ranges. It is a crazy thing, this life. Like a carefully crafted quilt with different pieces sew together in odd little patterns that end up making a beautiful mosaic.
In the midst of this national 'emotional contagion' catastrophe I find myself hopeful for once, not based on fairy tales and romantic moving endings...based on what I can see, hear, and feel.
I made a major decision and moved (only 7 short months ago) from Denver, CO to Phoenix, AZ. I could say back to AZ, but it has been so vastly different this time around. I'm here by myself. And I'm glad. Life is opening up in so many different ways this time around. More than I could have wished for, hoped for and even dreamed off.
Love comes 'round in mysterious ways. People who you think are your closest friends may not be. Those that you love deeply, may not love you back the same way. Egos need to be rubbed. And hurt in my honest opinion.
I'm glad I'm stocked full of crafts and coloring books, surround by friends. We'll see what tomorrow brings. i hope this shit doesn't go on for months. Thats insane but possible.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Wasted Glitter
Well shit on a shingle...and not the sandwich.
It is amazing to me how quickly time passes. How we let little moments slip away and make mountains out of mole hills.
Life is precious. A gift they say...and yet sometimes its a GAG gift and I'd like to give it back. I'm spending my time reflecting on those little moments that I may have or may not have, at the time, thought, "remember this." But I do. A touch on the shoulder, a tight hug from a friend, a kiss on the cheek, a notecard in the snail mail, bit of laughter over something no one else will get, a smile across the room.
In one moment it can be gone.
In one moment, that took moments of negative time to add up, it can disappear.
And then you scrape, and scramble to try to get all those little seconds, together and make meaning of them. some stick. some don't. like glitter that you wipe most away and yet some always manage to get stuck on you somewhere, in your hair, on your face, in your clothes.
All that glitter. Wasted.
It is amazing to me how quickly time passes. How we let little moments slip away and make mountains out of mole hills.
Life is precious. A gift they say...and yet sometimes its a GAG gift and I'd like to give it back. I'm spending my time reflecting on those little moments that I may have or may not have, at the time, thought, "remember this." But I do. A touch on the shoulder, a tight hug from a friend, a kiss on the cheek, a notecard in the snail mail, bit of laughter over something no one else will get, a smile across the room.
In one moment it can be gone.
In one moment, that took moments of negative time to add up, it can disappear.
And then you scrape, and scramble to try to get all those little seconds, together and make meaning of them. some stick. some don't. like glitter that you wipe most away and yet some always manage to get stuck on you somewhere, in your hair, on your face, in your clothes.
All that glitter. Wasted.
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Lil bit of Me
One of the reasons I decided to change the focus of the blog was to try and help others in some kind of positive way. In order to do that I should share a little bit about me.
I am happily married to my husband of almost 14 years. We will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in March....we will have been together 15 years on March 12th, which IS also our wedding anniversary. Luck and fate should have it that our wedding day/evening was able to take place exactly ONE year from the day we met.
We met in Phoenix through friends, and for us, it was love at first sight, although we didn't realize it until the second time we met. LOL We do not have people children but we do have our furry kids. With us now are Elly (age 12) and Jaxon (almost 4!), both Blue Heelers and the light of our lives.
We have lost 2 furry kids, Ginseng, the BEST shar-pei at age 9 and Tiggr, Texas Heeler (by far the best buddy EVER) at age 12. Those losses are already 2+ years and yet there are days when it stabs at my heart that it feels like just yesterday.
Anyhow...Brian and I moved to Denver in 2009. We had moved back and forth AZ-CO-AZ-CO and have stayed here. I am completely ready to move again, thanks to the unreal cost of living here and social isolation. Brian just finished his Bachelor's degree in Special and Elementary Education and will be looking for employment to start in the schools in the Fall 2018. He currently works Turf/Grounds Crew for the Colorado Rockies MLB team and NFL Denver Broncos. All I can say is I'm proud of him and so happy to have our evenings back without homework from his schooling!
I too work in Education, over 17 years as a School Psychologist. I basically love what I do and the meaning behind it. Its only some co-workers and parents that make me "hate" my job. I just remind myself I work for the "kids" so that they can succeed in life.
About 3 years ago I was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. After 2 years of doctor's appointments related to extreme fatigue, chronic pain, lethargy and fogginess my OBGYN contacted my primary physician to make the diagnosis real. Imagine my response....great. So now I have been diagnosed with an "invisible" chronic illness and I work and am surrounded by family and people who are incredibly concrete thinking.
Its been a hard road, and continues to be so. I am now at a point where I have utilized all my sick time and my illness is beginning to impact my ability to meet job deadlines, unless I work from home. Which, as you can imagine, as a Psychologist in the schools is not an easy thing to do unless its related to paperwork (which we happen to do a lot of).
I continue to struggle with feeling like saying "I have a chronic illness" indicates a personal weakness and failure. I struggle with feeling the need to justify, to prove, to want to gain acceptance of my illness. If I wasn't concerned with others perceptions, my stress level and anxiety would probably be a WHOLE lot LOWER. I honestly feel like others perceptions is one of the largest confounding factors that impacts how severe my Fibro symptoms on any given day, are.
I say "my Fibro," because...well...it is MINE. No one can understand the severity of the pain on a good day much less a bad flare day. Fibromyalgia has some common characteristics that those of us with it suffer from. However the severity, degree and other symptoms we have are widely varied. That's why mine is MINE.
I have a hard time remembering how I felt before all the fatigue and pain. I think I've been pain free once in the last 5 years and that was recently thanks to some pain meds administered in the ER. And can you imagine how frustrating, that when I do go to the doctor, and they run the same 18000 labs (okay 8-10 labs) they all come back "normal." Then, the doctor says, "it could be an impact of your fibromyalgia."
So at this point, related to my Fibro is IBS, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, shortness of breath, tight muscles, fatigue, lethargy, poor vision, difficulties at times with fine and gross motor skills, balance, memory (both short and long term), and speech. Yesterday Brian said, "my wife is brilliant and when she can't put thoughts and words together about what to eat for dinner, well...that's when I really worry." We live in a world where my baseline pain is about a 4 on a 1-10 scale, with 10 being severe.
I am amazed everyday at what I can still accomplish, and disappointed daily by my limitations.
I am happily married to my husband of almost 14 years. We will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary in March....we will have been together 15 years on March 12th, which IS also our wedding anniversary. Luck and fate should have it that our wedding day/evening was able to take place exactly ONE year from the day we met.
We met in Phoenix through friends, and for us, it was love at first sight, although we didn't realize it until the second time we met. LOL We do not have people children but we do have our furry kids. With us now are Elly (age 12) and Jaxon (almost 4!), both Blue Heelers and the light of our lives.
We have lost 2 furry kids, Ginseng, the BEST shar-pei at age 9 and Tiggr, Texas Heeler (by far the best buddy EVER) at age 12. Those losses are already 2+ years and yet there are days when it stabs at my heart that it feels like just yesterday.
Anyhow...Brian and I moved to Denver in 2009. We had moved back and forth AZ-CO-AZ-CO and have stayed here. I am completely ready to move again, thanks to the unreal cost of living here and social isolation. Brian just finished his Bachelor's degree in Special and Elementary Education and will be looking for employment to start in the schools in the Fall 2018. He currently works Turf/Grounds Crew for the Colorado Rockies MLB team and NFL Denver Broncos. All I can say is I'm proud of him and so happy to have our evenings back without homework from his schooling!
I too work in Education, over 17 years as a School Psychologist. I basically love what I do and the meaning behind it. Its only some co-workers and parents that make me "hate" my job. I just remind myself I work for the "kids" so that they can succeed in life.
About 3 years ago I was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. After 2 years of doctor's appointments related to extreme fatigue, chronic pain, lethargy and fogginess my OBGYN contacted my primary physician to make the diagnosis real. Imagine my response....great. So now I have been diagnosed with an "invisible" chronic illness and I work and am surrounded by family and people who are incredibly concrete thinking.
Its been a hard road, and continues to be so. I am now at a point where I have utilized all my sick time and my illness is beginning to impact my ability to meet job deadlines, unless I work from home. Which, as you can imagine, as a Psychologist in the schools is not an easy thing to do unless its related to paperwork (which we happen to do a lot of).
I continue to struggle with feeling like saying "I have a chronic illness" indicates a personal weakness and failure. I struggle with feeling the need to justify, to prove, to want to gain acceptance of my illness. If I wasn't concerned with others perceptions, my stress level and anxiety would probably be a WHOLE lot LOWER. I honestly feel like others perceptions is one of the largest confounding factors that impacts how severe my Fibro symptoms on any given day, are.
I say "my Fibro," because...well...it is MINE. No one can understand the severity of the pain on a good day much less a bad flare day. Fibromyalgia has some common characteristics that those of us with it suffer from. However the severity, degree and other symptoms we have are widely varied. That's why mine is MINE.
I have a hard time remembering how I felt before all the fatigue and pain. I think I've been pain free once in the last 5 years and that was recently thanks to some pain meds administered in the ER. And can you imagine how frustrating, that when I do go to the doctor, and they run the same 18000 labs (okay 8-10 labs) they all come back "normal." Then, the doctor says, "it could be an impact of your fibromyalgia."
So at this point, related to my Fibro is IBS, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, shortness of breath, tight muscles, fatigue, lethargy, poor vision, difficulties at times with fine and gross motor skills, balance, memory (both short and long term), and speech. Yesterday Brian said, "my wife is brilliant and when she can't put thoughts and words together about what to eat for dinner, well...that's when I really worry." We live in a world where my baseline pain is about a 4 on a 1-10 scale, with 10 being severe.
I am amazed everyday at what I can still accomplish, and disappointed daily by my limitations.
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